A Primer Course for Candidates for Broome County Office & Don’t Die in Broome County

By Dave Duncan

If you, any relative, neighbor, friend or acquaintance is thinking of running for the job of Broome County Executive or County Legislator, preparation is necessary.  I will try to outline the framework for the two major issues the successful candidate must be ready to address.

  1. How to Create Poverty (There are many aspects of this so I will stick to some recent examples that the present County Executive and members of the Legislature have had to ponder.)
  2. Eliminate jobs of long term, very modestly paid, county food preparation employees by privatizing out the jobs to a large company that provides little or nothing in the way of pension, health care and other benefits. Be prepared to help the new company’s bottom line by allocating prisoners from the County jail to do the work of some of the former employees.
  3. Help ease modest income renters and home owners into poverty by giving away the County’s tax base to major corporations that do not want to pay taxes for the services that the county provides.
  4. Make certain that the bounty of the county is given primarily to those large corporations that do not pay a living wage and/or provide necessary benefits.

Charge sales tax fees on rebuilding materials to the many thousands of families that were flooded out of their homes in the two major floods of the past ten years. Remember that these sales tax fees are not paid by those corporations that are endorsed by County sponsored organizations that build multi-million dollar plants.

  1. How to Beat the Pudding Out of the Poor + Do Not Die in Broome County
  2.  Make welfare extremely difficult to get. Make certain that the welfare office has a twelve page or longer complicated form for those applying. This insures the applicant has to make many trips to the welfare office to get the necessary information. If the applicant runs out of gas or cannot get multiple rides to the welfare office, some of them will give up. Since the county pays 12+1/2% of most welfare costs, this saves the county from taxing the wealthy corporations. (Do not think of asking the CEO’s of multi- billion dollar corporations to fill out such a form when they apply for their county tax breaks).
  3. Discourage the poor from dying in Broome County.
    This has been another thorny issue for the County Legislature and has been debated for months. What the hell do we do when a poor person dies? The County has been cutting back on the basic cost to bury a poor person. One proposed solution has been to have the relatives of the deceased buy a sticker that can be attached to the body and then leave the body at the curb for the County refuse truck pick up. (This same process is followed when you have an old sofa that you are discarding). The fee for this body sticker can be as low as $25 for whites and $50 for people of color).

Another discussed solution is to allow a mob connected company to “mine” the organs of the deceased and then sell them on the black market. A fee, based on the sale price, would come back to the County. The County welfare dept. would have to keep track of those who are about to pass on so that they can be snatched up immediately after death so that the organs can be mined.

  1. The Actual Solution

The Legislature finally came up with a resolution for burial costs for the indigent. The regulations are lengthy and detailed. It is stipulated that in the case of a child under the age of one, the family gets $364 for immediate cremation. The family of a deceased person over the age of one gets $969. Families of veterans get a slightly better deal. If the deceased indigent has donated her or his body to a medical facility, the funeral director gets $2 per loaded mile to take the body to that facility.

In addition to the above allocation there shall be an allowance for the actual cost of a cloth covered wood casket and equipment for burials at the cemetery, plus winter storage, if necessary.

Prayer cards cannot be paid for by the Department of Social   Services. So don’t ask. 
Do You Think You Qualify To Run For County Office?

Hustle yourself down to the County offices and pick up an application.  The application is nowhere near as complicated as the one for Welfare so you do not have to be too bright or jump through too many hoops to complete it.




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